Ironically, it was 8 years ago that I experienced my first Sasquatch Festival and also the exact weekend I discovered Modest Mouse. Standing in the sweltering patch of yellow grass which was the beer garden but is now the Yeti stage, I stopped to ask a stranger "what is this?!!! Sounds awesome." And that's when I learned it was Modest Mouse and I headed straight to the grassy hill to soak it up. I remember so much about that day... down to the Roxy tee on my back and the boyfriend sitting next to me I would soon depart from.
Now, perched on a damp and windy terrace with a phenomenal stage view, I'm listening to Modest Mouse and finding myself all at once in a state of revelation. I had no clue this was Sasquatch's 10 year reunion and we just sang "Happy Birthday" as Flaming Lips wheeled out a giant fondant cake. Wow. 8 years. I started to think back to where I was 8 years ago and everything that's happened since. I've experienced SO MUCH and as cheesy as it sounds... I feel like a big part of my life started in the next couple months after that show at the Gorge in George in 2003.
While listening to Isaac Brock belt angst-y lyrics I tried to revert back to the state of mind I was in on Memorial Day Weekend, May - 2003. I'd just turned 21 and in the next couple months I was about to really discover a love for indie music, fall in love and lose my heart for the first time, and embark on a new career and education path. I was bright-eyed and fearless... the world was indeed my oyster. I could do anything and be anything but I had no real clue or care as to what that might be. I just knew and trusted it would be.
Now, at 28 I'm finding myself more entrenched in indie music and live shows than ever... but I'm realizing that in the other more important parts of life, I am not as bright-eyed as I once was. The world does not, on some days, feel like my oyster. Maybe it’s just a coming of age and realizing that you don't get to do it all and you cannot control much, if anything. You choose paths and make strides and have to trust you'll get to where you always planned on going. A lot of things that I thought I'd have an "adult" handle on by now are more unsure than ever in my current surroundings. I think John Mayer referred to this as a "Quarter Life Crisis" and maybe that's the gist of it.
When "Float On" kicked on I found myself wanting to be with anyone who knew me during that summer and knew the significance of the band and that song and that season but then, I wasn't even sure who that would be. That song has always carried some weight with me and ties back to a lot of fun times and people and places. Say what you might about the song for whatever reasons you have, but...it won't change what it's always represented to me or the lyrics that will always apply...
"Alright, don't worry even if things end up a bit too heavy - We'll all float on alright".
And that's the point I suppose. As I mature, [gracefully ;)], I'm struggling with maintaining control. I'm frequently overwhelmed and over stimulated and almost emotionally exhausted because I can't keep up with myself. And thankfully, its often because I'm having too much fun. Sometimes it really feels like my life is flashing before my eyes. And am I even watching where it's going? Should I be? Or should I just trust that this is the path and float on?
I'll just go with that for now.
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